A year... THE year.

Still quite small here -
the twins in a single babysitter.

It has been almost a year since the last post. The time has gone by so fast - and so slow at the same time. I have been busy, done a lot, accomplished very little and learned just to survive from moment to moment. The months have passed quickly, the minutes and hours - at times - very slowly...

The wonderful twins, named Vili Anttoni and Timna Karissa, are such sweet bunches of joy. They make every day worth living. However, it has not been an easy path up to this day.

First two months they spent in the NICU and we were there as much as we could. After we finallly got our whole family home, it was only some weeks that our much loved briard (dog) suddenly became very ill. We found out that he has suffered from a cancer (he had shown no signs what so ever) and there was nothing that could be done for him. So he had to be put to sleep. It had been less than 12 hours before his death that he had been barking and guarding the goats outside... The tears still fill my eyes, even now, as I miss him so much. Beni was the most amazing dog there is - and there has been times in my life that he has been one of the greatest reasons I thought I even should keep on living. Must sound strange to some, but that's how it was at one point.

Beni loved the twins. He stayed by them all the time.
Too bad, we did not know how little time he had left and did not take many pictures of them together.

The winter and early spring went as if in thick fog.

Vili was really ill and suffered from great pain in his stomach. It was really hard to watch him suffer when no help seemed to be available. I have mixed feelings towards the hospital and its staff in this issue. Some seemed to try to help and took us seriously. However, quite a few times I was treated as if I were just a tired mama who could not handle her baby's normal cry. Finally, they found out that Vili has severe milk allergy. It took too long to come to the conclusion, and Vili had stopped nursing (my milk had probably hurt him!) and was set behind in his physical development. He was so much behind that they suspected he might have CP! Since his allergy has been gotten under control, he has been catching up with great speed and an ultra sound of his brain showed no sign of any injury. The doctor who did the scanning was silent after the scan for quite a while and finally said, "this boy must have been terribly ill."

The more the twins learned to move
 on their own, the more they began
being in contact with each other. 

Timna never learned to eat from a bottle, so I have been breast feeding her all this time. She got home from the NICU with naso-gastric tube to help with her feeding, as she was still too weak to nurse all she needed. We also had an alarm system with us from the hospital so that we would notice if her saturation levels dropped while we were sleeping. She was very clingy and needed a lot of holding and carrying as well. So most of the time we both, Roope and I, walked around wrapped in a baby sling - one baby for each. Multiple times I have rejoiced of our country's social security system that allows dads also to stay at home for some weeks to take care of babies when twins are born.

I have not too many clear memories from that time - however, I am glad we have tons of pictures. :D

It was a HOT summer. Most of the days the twins spent naked or just  a diaper on playing on the floor .
 And they took their naps right at the same spot - as the best fan in the house blowed some air right there. :)

Summer came. It was one hot and lonely summer. Roope worked through it and I was stuck at home with the twins. We used to have two cars, but not so anymore this summer. So, I could not go anywhere and most people had already seen the "curiosity twins" and visitors became more rare. Everyone is so busy with their own life and we live far from everybody. The twins were fun to watch and I loved every minute with them, especially now that Vili was not ill all the time, they both had room to grow and flourish. :) However, there were times I could have used some adult company. I had to face the fact that even tho I know many people, and I have some people in my life I can call friends, they all either live too far away or are too busy... I have had to learn to survive with the feeling of being lonely.

In the middle of everything else, we saved five

great tit babies that jumped out of their nests 

because it was too hot there. First we tried 

putting them back, but they kept coming out,

so we took them in and took care of them

until a bird expert took them. All five survived

and were successfully returned back to nature. 

So that this lonely summer had not been too easy, we lost another of our dear pets. Our gorgeous Clydesdale mare, Clara, became wery ill. First it seemed she had "only" boils in her front hooves and an infection that could be treated. For 2 ½ weeks Roope took care of her day and night (luckily he was off the work)... trying to lower her fever by hosing her with cool water (it was an awfully hot weather that time), massaging her sore muscles, force feeding her flax seed porridge (to protect her stomach from the ill effects of the medicine) and rapeseed oil (to help her not to loose too much weight), cutting and carrying to her green grass and herbs so that she'd eat at least some, changing poultices in her hooves... Just to find out that she had boils in all four feet and those boils had destroyed her hoof structure in all of them in such way that there was nothing to do to help her. The day before it seemed she was getting her spirits up and she tried to stand a bit and go grazing... but it was just vain hope by the help of the strong pain killers. She had to be put to sleep. And I cry again writing this...

One of the last photos of Clara still alive.
With boils in her hooves, she had to be sedated so they could pull her down
and treat her hooves.
She was not able to stand holding one hoof up, so sore she was...
2½ weeks from this she was dead...

Our donkey, Pelle, cried after his best friend. The donkey watched this great horse being buried and stood at the yard calling to the direction of the grave for days after she had died. He became depressed and tried to come into the house. We had to work out something - and almost as if given by God, we found him a companion. Little pony called Lordi. The pony's best friend, a goat, also moved to us and they added some life to the yard. I have had too little time to befriend these new additions to our flock - I wish to be able to do more things with them as the twins grow a bit more.

At the end of the day - something still going on between the two
even the parents think they are ready for bed  in their night overalls.

In some ways this has been an awful and very difficult year, a lot of deep buried pain has burned my heart. The way the twins were born was traumatic, now I can admit it. It has been terrible to be treated as over-reacting when my child was truly ill. It was tiring to be needed by Timna so much that I could not leave the children even for a little while. It was heartbreaking to bury dear animal friends. It has been awful to feel so lonely.

Yet, it has been the most amazing year ever. I have survived all those sad and hurting things, we have overcome, we have stayed together as a family, we are alive and hoping for better times. And the most awesome two little creatures live in our house. The twins, Vili and Timna, are just amazing. They learn new things all the time and have so much fun doing so. Their smiles light up the darkest days - and even early mornings are fine with me, when they wake me up.

Vili enjoying dad's best babysitting tric:
a whole box of toys poured on a floor. 

One more story before bed?
Timna seems to ask